Monday, September 21, 2009

Migraines and Metallica

Whew! I'm back! I had honest, earnest and totally real intentions to write allllllll about the pure and complete AWSOMENESS that was the Metallica show, but good intentions blah blah blah and all that - basically I've been recovering since then. I'd like to tell you how I partied JUST like a rockstar and how UBER crazy it was, but the sad truth of it is that I DID have an awesome time, until midway through the show my head began to pound just about as much as ol' Lars did on his drum set. By the time we left and made it to the car, I was pretty sure my head was going to fall OFF. By the time we arrived at our house, I was barely able to function, only long enough to locate some hardcore painkillers and lie in the bed, motionless, hoping NOT to projectile vomit the painkillers back out. UGH.

(Before you get all 'oh MY golly this is turning into WhineAPalooza 2009, settle down yo, I am totally going to include all things rock and/or Metallica. Just chill, till the next episode.)

See, for the last few years, I've had these occasions where both of my eyes are filled with whirly disco lights that blink for about 30 minutes until they disappear - totally annoying, yet harmless. My eye doc said they're called 'visual migraines' - some people get the migraine headache after seeing the lights, I don't. Yay for the lucky life lottery! Then last spring, on my anniversary (thanks Karma! You'd think food poisoning at my wedding would be enough, wouldn't you???) I had a headache that morphed into a headache on 'roid rage. I was on vacation too (again, thanks Karma!) so the only painkillers I had were A. Tylenol (my normal headaches scoff at tylenol, so um, that wasn't going to work) and B. some old hydrocodone pills my huzband had in his suitcase left over from 1984 or something. Yep. Option B. I still felt awful, but it let me sleep and that was good.

So, when I came home with the Metallica Migraine of aught' 9, I rummaged around until I found the same pill I had taken last spring. Self medicating really (really!) isn't my thing, but it was that or hit myself in the face with a hammer - sooo....... I slept most of the Headache of Doom off, but now I'm pretty sure I am getting Real Migraines, which is soooo not anything I want or need in my life. I also read (via Google of course -the only way to handle medical situations!) that all sorts of things can cause migraines, like: loud noise, flashing lights, alcohol..... Damn you Metallica and your hella-sweet rock show! You too Corona for your light beer with a touch of lime!

Thus ends my post about the Headache from Hell. I now repent totally of anything disparaging I may have ever said about migraine sufferers, or my husband, who gets cluster headaches (like a migraine but with a touch of....worse, and some ice pick on the side). Those. headaches. suck.

Back to our regularly scheduled Metallica review!

First off - we started the night at the Hard Rock cafe. Food prices? Sucked. Booze prices? Worse. Watching old Metallica videos on plasma screens with a bunch of 40-something dudes wearing Ride the Lightning t-shirts? Priceless! (And the ladies, lest I forget to mention; 1987 called, they want their Aqua-net hair back!)

It was a fun way to start the evening, and a nice way to skip opening acts no one cared about but the hardcore thrash heads, (which I am not). Plus, the chick DJ from the station that was broadcasting told me I looked adorable! Sweet! I mean, she could have been talking about the toddler in front of me, but A. Who the figgedy-feck brings a toddler to the Hard Rock before a Metallica show, and B. The toddler was most certainly NOT as adorable as I was in my sweet rock show outfit. I rest my case.

On to the show....

First off, I am now going to ignore the only opening band we saw because they were, in a word, awful. I mean, I like hard rock. But guitars that are just thrashing with a dude up there growling really doesn't work for me. I like actual lyrics, singing and dare I say, talent. Just sayin'.

Once it was time for Metallica, the lights went down (woooooo!) and then the PA played a song from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (just like my friend in Cali said they would!) - although the guy next to us said it was from Cool Hand Luke, but he was clearly wrong. And his girlfriend/wife was totally NOT a fan, but I digress. Then they had lasers. Lasers! For a second I thought it was going to get all Dark Side on me, but it was cool.

I will say that the reason Metallica is still around, in the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame and still touring, is that they are purely AWESOME. They put on a HELL of a show. They did a bunch of stuff from the new cd (pretty good stuff really) and a BUNCH of old stuff for the fans. All I can say is you haven't really lived until you've sung along with 100,000 other people to One. Or Enter Sandman. Or Nothing Else Matters. Etc, etc. It was awesome - one of THE BEST shows I've been to. (If you've seen my ticket stub collection - started in 1995! - you'd know I've seen a LOT of yeah.)

I will also say that whatever bizarre cosmic coincidence allowed me to be standing at the beverage cart right in front of a creepy ex who was working security (thanks Karma! Boy, working overtime much???) was NOT cool, or awesome, in any way. I had to include this because it was definitely one of the weirder moments of the show. John and I were waiting for the opening (crap!) band to finish, and went out for a coke. I, being as suave and cool as can be, got my necklace caught in my ridiculous hair. I was flipping around and trying to dislodge it when I saw a dude staring at me - random security guy? Nooooo, creepy asshole sociopath from high school! Lucky me! Since I'm super smooth, I turned around and got all stuttery and retarded. Captain America totally noticed and when we sat down I told him who it was - being Captain America, he vaulted the seats and jogged back to verify (by asking him! the sheer stupid horror!) if it was the evil creeper I thought it was. Yep. Apparently he told the guy "I'll be back if I need to." Good to know he'll deliver ass-kickings on my whim. Whee! Anyway, nothing came of it, other than realizing that I really CAN'T kill people by wishing them dead. Grrr! Unfair, right?

Before you get all "Wow, she holds a grudge and that was like FORever ago!" let me tell you that there are about 100 ex's (okay not really that many, but you get my point) that I could have seen, no problem. Hell, I was EXPECTING (uh Metallica show???) to see my ex that I'd been with for several years before meeting The Man, but THIS guy is a freak. Total sociopath. No soul. Honestly, I read a book a year or so back called The Sociopath Next Door (1 in every 20 - freaky shit!) and realized, WOW, I knew one of them! Seriously - the closest thing to non-human I've ever met. So yeah, evil resonates.

I guess I could have had Jerry the Wonder Stud kick his ass all over the main level lobby - I mean that would have been sort of fun and all - but it was better just to rock out and try to forget. I mean, really - standing there next to The Man, listening to Mr. Hettfield singing 'life is ours, we live it our way....." Yeah, nothing else matters. Indeed.

Comments, questions, points of rock?