Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Really? I mean.....really????

*Note: First off you may find my spelling wonky - I'm doing this deliberately due to my paranoia. Hey, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. I don't want to use big scary red flag words and end up on some watch list because some crazy super computer out in a bunker somewhere stumbles across my sad little blog. Secondly, this blog was not what I intended to post today - I've been working on a blog that will run later this week, so stay tuned oh-faithful-random-clickers. Without further ado.....

I was watching the news last night when the anchor warned the upcoming feature story had graphic footage which, I don't care who you are, makes you say, hmmmm, wonder what creepy shit they're going to ......AWWWW hell, is that dude DEAD???? Gross! The story was about a new and apparently improved (term heavily laden with both irony and severe disdain) method that su!cide b0mbers are using now to avoid being caught by security.

The news tried to be all discreet and downplay the actual method here - "Oh yes, this is a method borrowed from drug smugglers - it's a b0mb hidden in a b0dy cavity." Wait, let me break that down for you. It's a butt b0mb. An a$$ expl0sive. Go ahead and take a minute, google it if you want. Back? Okay. It gets more nuts, trust me - this thing is tr!ggered by, and this is just....literally insane.... a text page.

Since sh0e b0mbs won't do, and now that I can't carry my contact solution, lip gloss, or sham-fucking-poo on a pl@ne because of these fucktards, NOW I have to worry that some total mental patient is going to shove a b0mb up his (or her I suppose) ass and get through security. Are you kidding me? I mean, really? Really???

And hey, other news guy, is there anything that security can do to stop these delusional a-holes? We need to be alert, vigilant and uh, alert! Remember those nifty super-tech-y body scans they came out with a few years ago? Yeah let's go ahead and green light those bitches. I want one at every single gate, in every single airport in the country. Seriously, are you really really that worried about Nancy the security guard getting a looky-loo at your boobs, because, uh, I'm not. Not with ass-b0mbs on the loose.

Thanks to the magic of the internet, these freaks are going to instruct other freaks on how to build, and presumably use, the b0mbs. Here's a tip, just put the b0mb where your head has been for most of your life.

I mean really - I'm going out on a limb here, and saying that anyone, ANY ONE who honestly believes that any supreme being demands death and destruction, is insane, as in lacking sanity. MENTAL. Anyone. I don't care if you're Isl@mic or Christian or (I'd say Buddhist but that's just silly) whatever, if you think it's your personal mission from God to kill people, you are a total nutter and need to be locked up for eternity with an IV dripping thorazine into your body around the clock until your addled brain leaks out your ears. The end.

So. A$$ b0mbers. Comments, questions, whatevs?