Thursday, September 10, 2009

Parental Advisory; stop advising me!

It's something that every single parent under God's perfect shiny sun has faced, at least once: the parental advisor. Not that cool sticker on good music covers, no, I'm talking about people who feel the need to tell you how to parent, or even what a craptastic job you're doing at it, thankyouverymuch.

Part of my problem is that I'm so open and tell people what's on my mind; apparently people misread my general commentary of my state of affairs as me subconsciously saying "so why don't you point out exactly what you think I suck at concerning my children."

I have one child who is (pick your adjective) spirited, challenging, powerful, etc etc. This child is also ridiculously intelligent and verbal. Thus when conflict arises, I find myself arguing with a small child the way others might argue with their teenagers. I also find myself trying to explain this child to others, because this child is smarter than most adults because most adults don't deal with kids like mine very often.

Frequently people ask me utterly retarded insensitive things like "have you tried positive reinforcement?" or say things like "my cousin's sister's brother's nephew was diagnosed at age two as a bipolar paranoid psychopath and the medication really helped!" Yeah bitches, so would a lobotomy, for YOU. And I don't believe in positive reinforcement, I believe in duct tape and closets. No, NOT really. Simmer down, simmer down. I'm just being sarcastic, again.

I just want to point out that NO ONE who walks among us has all the answers to child development or parenting. Furthermore I'd like to say that it's okay to be the smartest person in the room when you actually ARE the smartest person in the room, until then, shut UP. I wonder what if they had child experts (or just armchair Monday-morning quarterback parents) back in the days of Beethoven, or Edison, or Einstein? Would they have said 'he isn't social enough, he's too busy composing/inventing/solving physics problems'??? I'm sure there would have been criticism because there is *always* criticism when the rest of the plebeian mouth-breathing masses don't understand something a little different than the norm.

Eh. Obviously a sore point here with your favorite blogger.

I'm no expert, but I know special when I see it; both my kids are special in different ways. Why yes, Mr. Rogers, you were right. I'm just tired of hearing from people whose kids have the IQ of the sack of Idaho reds in my pantry.

Anyone else who wants to tell me what I'm doing wrong, line up for a free lobotomy!

Comments, questions, points of rebuttal....