Thursday, September 17, 2009

If it's too loud....'re too eff'in old. Such was the bumper sticker I had in high school. Hilarious wit I am, I know, I know. Apparently now I'm just too old because yes, things are indeed, WAY too loud.

HOWEVER. (Totally wrong use of however, but we're all just friends here and I'm pretty sure my old English prof isn't reading. If he is, well, I lament the conversational tone in written word JUST like you do, sir!) There are some things that aren't too loud, and tonight's rockin' rock concert is one of them.

When last I had a chance to see this band (of Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame, uh, fame) I was a mere 21 years young, and on summer break before my senior year of college. My bestie and I drove down to that garden spot of the midwest, Sparta, KY. If you happen to be from Sparta, know anyone from Sparta, or love Sparta with all your heart, why of course I mean garden spot literally! Otherwise, yeah. Had I my scanner in working condition, I would regale you with a picture of the water tower which says SPARTA in all its glory.

Anyhoo. I was pumped. I had mocked my then-boyfriend, now happily-buried-in-the-past ex with how I was going to this AWESOME show and he had to work. Heh heh. Yeahhhh, karma, you got me. The lead singer of this amazing Hall of Fame band managed to do something male and idiotic and injured himself and couldn't play. We left Sparta early, crushed and betrayed. Or maybe just tired and tipsy, who am I to say.

Tonight my friends, I'm cresting that ripe hill of old age known as 'not quite 31' and I am FINALLY getting to see this band. The band you ask? Fine, I can't keep secrets for shit, 'tis well known. It's Metallica. I know. Don't be jealous. I've paid my dues, and frankly, the babysitter for that matter. It's Mommy's turn dammit! While you are hanging out watching the first fall episode of The Office (must. remember. to. Tivo.) I'll be partying like the amazingly well-preserved sprite of a rockstar that I am, as James Hettfield serenades me with a lil' somethin' somethin' from Death Magnetic.

If I've finally paid karma back in enough good brownie points since junior year, I'll get to hear some old school; Unforgiven, One, and really, do I need to say Enter Sandman because. Well. Yeah. Anyone else having flashbacks to the creeeeeeepy video that TOTALLY made me afraid of semi-trucks??? No? Okay, just me then.

My entire life I've heard people (if men are still considered people. BAM!) say "you don't look like the type of girl who" fill in the blank - 'has a tongue ring' 'listens to rock music' 'reads Milton' - yeah yeah I get it. I'm not sure really WHAT type of girl I look like - but I DID have a tongue ring (thank you liberal college town and gay bff!) DO love rock music with every fiber of joy in my souuuuuul, and have read more Milton than you care to think about. I enjoy being not quite what anyone expects. It's fun both at parties, and at home!

Some quick trivia: my bestie who is also a hella sweet contradiction in terms is a classically trained clarinet player and can tell you, ad nauseum (which means until you throw up. No. Not really.) why Metallica is amazing musically. They are also classically trained and do all sorts of cool music tricks. One of them is a picardy third. I know not what it means. The poet in the room (that'd be me. Shut up!) can tell you that Mr. Hettfield is an excellent lyricist, frequently using both allegory as well as my favored technique of the slant rhyme. And you just thought they rocked because they f'in ROCK. You'd be right too.

So I'm off - I have miles to go before I sleep and all that good stuff. House to clean, groceries to buy, but after 4 pm today, if you need me I'm heeding the Call of Chtulu. Oh YES I just did.

Comments, questions, points of rebuttal?