Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Miracle bra - true miracle or cruel, cruel hoax?

I received a Victoria's Secret catalog the other day in the mail - I ordered (and returned I might add) a swimsuit once in 'aught 96 and apparently they keep on coming hoping to entice you with 5 for $20 panty sales that you just CAN'T RESIST! I can. I really can. Having 'sweetie' in script font on my butt is NOT a priority. At least not today, my friends of the Blogosphere.

I digress, which I do with the frequency of my 2 year old screaming random threats and hostility. I saw the Miracle bra advertised with some gauzy 20 year old photoshopped Nordic princess frolicking around a pottery barn bedroom, and I thought, 'huh, Miracle eh?' Why is it, I ask you oh partners in the blogosphere, that the Miracle bra girls always ALWAYS have boob jobs aka breast augmention (ohyestheydothanks)? "Cleavage this amazing is a miracle' or some other crap ad line below the boobies in question. Just how miraculous IS great cleavage when you HAVE a boob job? I am pretty sure, that were I to spend the $6,700 (just a ballpark figure, not like I've actually called and inquired and talked to the nice scheduling lady named Rita, noooo noooooo) on a boob job (augmentation for you sensitive types) that my cleavage would look pretty bangin' just hanging out in ye old WalMart bra.

So I buy bras from WalMar, don't judge! They have the memory foam kind - so nice and I can turn it into a pillow if I have some weird memory foam pillow shortage. That's not the point of this post - the point, dear readers, is to posit (oh yes I did just use that word! bam!) is it REALLY a special bra if the goods are already surgically perfected? I know ladies who have had the procedure done who don't even wear bras, because they don't HAVE TO! Show offs.

I would like to see Vicky's going the way of Dove with the 'real beauty' thing - give me some post-baby moms perking up natural un-$6,700 (ballpark figure! *whistling*) augmented boobs
and let's see how miraculous that cleavage is! Sure it wouldn't make you want to actually BUY a bra because let's face it, we all see the cool Nordic chick prancing around with 'sweetie' on her bippy and think 'yeahhhh, I could rock that look!' but that's not the point either!

Then again, I guess I could actually TRY one on and see what it does for what women with actual chests call 'the girls' - I could but I don't feel like talking to Rita until I have that deposit scraped together. I kid, I kid. Maybe.

Comments, questions, points of rebuttal....