Thursday, August 27, 2009

Live wax dolls!

Last night I was watching "America's Got Talent" (which for grammatical reasons annoys me before it even starts, I mean really? GOT? How about HAS! errrrr. I'll deal with it though because I heart Sharon Osbourne thiiiiis much.) and I realized how terrifying David Hasselhoff's face has become. Don't get me started on his creeeeepy open collar shirt issue because I could go on FORever about that. That man has been so stretched and 'toxed (that's BO-toxed JIC you don't get it yo) that it's hard to tell if he's happy, sad, surprised or confused, but then he opens his mouth and you realize he's probably just chillin' on some xanax anyway. Or drunk.

I have nothing against plastic surgery, that is until people reach the Live Wax Doll stage. When you could pose next to a wax statue of yourself and make people jump by moving, well, you might want to dial it down a bit. Who thinks they look GOOD that way? I would rather look, let's just say HUMAN, than make people wonder if the aliens are already here walking among us. eek!

The idea of plastic surgery is to look either A: better or B: at least good, but I'm pretty sure the option of C: Like a cat on acid is NOT what I'd pay good money for, not even to subsidize a darling plastic surgeon's dream of owning a new boat. Nope. Furthermore, unless you're on television with its giant zooming camera lenses of shame and high-definition, why even bother getting yourself 'toxed to the gills? I passed a lady in traffic a week ago and did a double take because she looked so taut-in-the-face I was sure The Aliens were among us. Eek! Then again, that is what you get when you make surgical measures available to the great unwashed masses. I mean really, aren't celebrities the only ones special and fluffy and good enough to make themselves look like rats in a wind-tunnel? Hmmmm?

I'll just get bangs cut instead of the 'tox. Yep. I am most certainly not going to display any warnings of the Invasion. Aliens! Eek!

Comments, questions, points of rebuttal....